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Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon. It's like telling them "Light up."

You can't put words in Pudgie's mouth if his mouth isn't moving.

It's voice-over. An interior monologue. Maybe even the voice of God.

Pudgie, don't smoke.

- Actors. - What? Let's ask the technicians.

Do you think it's morally right to promote smoking to the youth of America?

- They're biased. That's a mistrial. - This session costs the studio thousands.

If you want a paycheck, stick to the script.

If you want to play Gandhi, then do it on somebody else's time.

Then I've got to do what I've got to do.

That's very funny. Where the hell are you goin'?

If you leave, you're not comin' back in.

I'm not takin' any crap from you, pal.

Well, in the words of Porky Pig:

Piss off, Lou.

- So what about that history test? - Don't ask.

- Did you have fun in school? - I painted a picture of a rainbow.

- Dad? - Daddy!

Daddy!

- I thought you couldn't pick us up. - Well, I got off early.

- You mean you got fired? - No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.

Actors.

Dude, congratulations on your 12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya.

- A stripper? - Ooh, please!

- Two strippers? - Hoo-hah, boy!

- A party? - Yes!

No. No parties.

Mom said you couldn't have one because of your report card.

Mom's not gonna be home for another four hours, is she?

Prepare yourself... for the wild kingdom.

Coming up toward the very end. There she goes. And she wins that race.

Come on off now. Here we go.

You want to feed him?

See if this guy will.

Sorry.

Get out!

- Gregory, Henderson and Hillard. - Miranda Hillard, please.

I know what you're going for with these murals, but perhaps if they weren't so large.

And let's do steel windows, not wood.

Eliminate the Oriental rug. Let's try an Aubusson carpet.

- More pink than red. - Good idea.

Union Square Inn. This is better.

More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp, a Stickley chair. Don't be seduced by chintz.

Excuse me. Miranda, can I speak to you for a minute?

- Yes. Excuse me. - Certainly.

Just be one minute.

I just got off the phone with a Stuart Dunmeyer.

- Stuart Dunmeyer? - He said you were acquaintances.

Stuart Dunmeyer?

He's putting millions into restoring the old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill.

- He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B&B. - Yes, I read about it.

- He's been doing very well. - That's him.

And he specifically asked for you, Miranda.

He did?

- I told him you'd call first thing tomorrow. - Yes, I will.

Miss Hillard? The operator has a Gloria Chaney on hold.

- She says it's an emergency. - Excuse me.

Gloria?

- Oh, my God! - Is this your residence, ma'am?

Yes, I'm sorry to say it is.

Are you aware it's illegal to possess barnyard animals in a residential area?

- What if you're married to one? - We're also responding to a noise violation.

I'm going to respond myself. I'm awfully sorry about this.

You ate my begonias! God!

Get out of my way!

Miranda! Whassup?

You're home early, girlfriend.

Havin' a birthday in the house.

What the hell is going on around here?

Don't get mad, honey. Listen.

You're home a little early. I was gonna clean it all up before you got home.

Honey... What are you looking for?

I'd be careful. That pony had a lot of water.

Party's over.

She called you and you bust the birthday party. Great!

Don't you dare make me out to be the monster here, Daniel!

You have all the fun and I get whatever's left over.

- You chose the career. - I have no choices here. I have no choices!

Even when I try to do something fun, you do it ten times bigger!

I bring home a cake and gifts. You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo!

- And I have to clean up! - It's not toxic waste, just a few party plates!

Why am I the only one that feels there has to be rules?

Why do you always make me out to be the heavy?

I don't. You do it yourself quite naturally.

- You set me up every time to be the bad guy. - Oh, lighten up, will ya?

You spend too much time with those corporate clones you used to despise.

I spend too much time with you, Daniel. It's over!

It's over.

Come on, Miranda. We've got problems, but who doesn't? We could work 'em out.

We've been trying to work them out for 14 years.

Come on, please. Listen. Maybe we need some help, OK?

Maybe a family therapist will help us do this together.

It's too late for that.

Well, let's take a vacation with the kids, as a family. Get you away from work.

You're a different person. You really are. You're great.

Our problems would be waiting for us when we got back.

We'll move, and hopefully our problems won't follow us.

Daniel, please don'tjoke.

OK.

We've just grown apart. We're different.

- We have nothing in common. - Oh, sure we do. We love each other.

Come on, Miranda. We love each other.

Don't we?

I want a divorce.

No.

We can't. We're a family. You know?

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it.

Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard.

- Well, yeah, he's here. - No.

Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk.

Yeah, depressed. I mean, his marriage is ending.

My marriage is not ending. It's just on hiatus.

Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial.

No, we're taking good care of your little boy. Don't worry, Mom.

- Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam. - She says you're welcome.

That beige concealer. When are we gettin' more of it?

- Next week. - You hear that, Ma? Next week.

Wait, hang on.

- Enough already. It's a man. - How would you know?

Bitch.

No, Ma, not you. I was talkin' about the dog.

Ma, listen. We got people waitin' for us on the set.

Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma. Places to go, faces to paint.

Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma.

Don't worry, I'll tell him.

Yeah. Hold on, Ma.

She wants to know if you want to come stay with her.

- No way. - He says he'll think about it, Ma.

I will. All right. I love you, too.

Bye, Ma.

Hey, listen, you know you can always stay with us just as long as you want.

Thank you, but I'm OK, really. I mean, this is just a temporary thing.

I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over.

Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custody proceedings tend to favor the mother,

we also realize, perhaps now more than ever, that it is not in a child's best interest

to deprive him or her of an obviously loving father.

However, since at the present time Mr Hillard has no place to live and no employment,

it is the court's ruling to award sole custody to Mrs Hillard.

- Congratulations. - No.

Mr Hillard will have visitation rights every Saturday.

- Can't you do something? - He's made his decision.

Isn't it traditional to say "I object" or something?

Your Honor, please.

Every Saturday? That's one day a week.

That's not enough.

I have to be with my children. It's not a question. I have to be with them, sir. Please.

I know it seems like a lot, but for me it's not enough. Really.

I haven't been away from 'em for more than one day since the day they were born.

- Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary. - Oh, good.

I will assign a court liaison to oversee your case.

There will be a continuance of these proceedings in 90 days.

- I'm giving you three months, Mr Hillard. - Thank you.

Three months in which to get ajob, keep it and create a suitable home.

If this proves to be a possibility for you,

I will consider ajoint-custody arrangement when we reconvene. We're adjourned.

Well, it looks like there is a little light at the end of our tunnel.

- That's all my stuff. - This is all my fault.

God, no. Why would you think that?

I should have never had a birthday, Dad.

- This never would have happened. - Yes, it would.

It was an accident waiting to happen, OK?

You did nothing wrong. You got that?

OK, gimme five.

You're the man of the house now.

Don't be messy.

- You can't go now. - Honey, I have to.

We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web. Who's gonna finish it?

Well, Grandma will finish it for you.

She's not as good. She always skips parts, and she never does the voices.

She smells funny, too.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well preserved.

Hey, come here.

It's the same as always. We just have a really big backyard, OK?

- I love you. - I love you.

I'll miss you. Saturday comes real quick.

- I'll miss you. - Ditto.

Oh, Dad...

- Take care of her. - OK.

Goodbye.

Thanks for the time, warden.

Bye, Dad.

As your court liaison, I will be looking at two things.

- Your living environment... - It's more like a habitat, really.

And I will be coming by on Monday and Friday evenings to inspect it.

Well, I'll put on a chicken.

And there's always the job issue.

This is the nearest employment office. I took the liberty of making an appointment for you.

- Thank you. - By the way, do you have any special skills?

Oh, yes. I do.

I do voices.

What do you mean, you do voices?

Well, I do voices.

Yes!

We're looking for intelligent life. Oops, mistake!

Happy to be in America. Don't ask for a green card.

I want you in the worst way.

This is certainly a rough meeting. It's not going very well for me.

Hey, boss, give her a chance. She's gonna loosen up any moment.

Look at me, Moneypenny. I want to undo that bow and get to know you.

I'm crazy to make a deal with you!

Nancy and I are still looking for the other half of my head.

They're doin' it! I'm sittin' on a gold mine!

Don't make me smack you, sweetheart.

I do a great impression of a hot dog.

Mr Hillard, do you consider yourself humorous?

I used to.

There was a time when I found myself funny.

But today you have proven me wrong. Thank you.

Listen, bottom line...

I need to be with my children, and I'll do anything to do that.

You just tell me what to do.

- Excuse me. You Tony? - That's me.

Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor.

Follow me.

Oh, films! Will I be introducing these movies on air?

- Not exactly. - What do I do?

You take all these cans. You box 'em and you ship 'em.

Then you box those cans over there. Ship them. Then more will come in.

You box those, you ship those.

Any questions?

After you box 'em...?

You ship 'em.

Lots of luck, smartass.

I think I made a friend.

- Miranda. - Stu!

Hello, Miranda.